Wow, folks. Wow. It’s been a while. It’s been since the end of April that I posted anything on this blog.

So. Hi. I’m alive. And I’m sorry for being gone so long.

What kept me, you ask? Well, it’s simple. I had blogging writer’s block.

Blogging writer’s block is a horrid situation where you start to doubt your own voice and so everything inside your head gets congested into a ball of self-esteem woe and mess. You start to wonder if the voice you have to contribute to the industry, or the internet, or anything at all has meaning. So the idea of writing your opinions on things becomes a terrifying prospect. Hence, blogging writer’s block. I feel like there should be a shorter term for it. Bloggiblock? That’s me, hacking the English language since I discovered vocabulary.

But anyway – I shouldn’t have left for a while yet here we are. And I’m back. What changed, you ask? Oh, a lot of soul searching. The semester at NYU ended and I finally slowed down enough to take a good hard think about priorities and the work I’m doing. I sat down and had a few conversations with people about confidence, about other people’s judgement, and feeling good about the work I was doing as a whole. I thought about what was important to me. And I discovered one hard and fast truth:

I just really like to write.

It doesn’t matter what I’m writing. If it’s articles or RPGs, academic papers or LARPs, I just enjoy creating pieces of writing.

I also have opinions on things. And I like to talk about them.

This is not because I feel I am smarter or better than others. It is not because I want to spend my time writing about creating rather than actually creating (a criticism laid at the feet of lots of academics, and specifically at me recently). It’s because discussing art and having critical opinions on things makes for a better informed designer, and putting out opinions creates and perpetuates conversation.

So enough about writing blog posts, let’s get on to actually doing that. And you’ll see more of me. Promise. Because I have things to talk about.

Oh yes, when the muse comes back she’s dancing a jig!

Well, let’s not say that the muse came roaring back with such a ferocity this time. More like I invited her in, plied her with alcohol and fine chocolates and wooed her ass into staying. I did my damnedest to get the damn creative muse back into my backyard and guess what? It’s back!

…..okay, I’m way too exuberant about this. Let’s take it from the top.

From my last post, you saw that I was having some problems with writing. The fact is, it was more like I was having problems with life and the writing was just a symptom of a MUCH larger problem. My health has not been so spectacular this year – in fact, it’s been the worst it’s ever been. After that, I was trying to carry WAY too much work on my shoulders lately, between full time schedule at work, my coarse load at college while I try to graduate, and running role-play games. All in all, after I completed the major gaming project that was running a game at I-CON 2010, my brain was FRIED. After that, I got sick AGAIN, had some time off to spend time with friends, and then found out I had to go find another place to live pretty quickly.

All in all, I was moody, upset, depressed, and stressed to the point of nutball-soup. How the hell was I supposed to write anything except the words ‘helphelphelphelp’ over and over again? That’s not a very good place to be writing from and I knew it. So I was waiting for things to calm down again. More like I was waiting for me to get a handle on things again.

The truth is, life hasn’t calmed down. Life is still crazy. I’m six weeks to graduation and six weeks to the kick-off of the major Live Action Role-Play game that me and my friends are running. There are friend troubles, not enough time for work, I’m still getting sick, and my moods have been ALL over the place. Money troubles, work troubles, school troubles – you name it. And you know what I realized?

Pardon my language but F*** this, it’s time to get back to work.

See the fact is, things are never going to be calm. I can certainly work on calming down them down soon, getting my life in order, getting a handle on things – and that is my damn priority from now on because one cannot live like this much longer – but that isn’t going to mean that stress is going to miraculously disappear. So it’s time to get serious: either I’m a writer through thick and thin or I’m just a whiny hack who can’t make things happen when they need to happen. That’s what separates someone who is a writer from someone who just thinks they are – making it happen no matter what.

I got back on the horse on the 23rd despite having a WICKED migraine and bad stomach day. The sickness continued into the 24th and into today, the 25th but in those days? I wrote 56 pages of a new manuscript and my word count stands today at 12,965 words. It has no name yet, but it’s something and I’m really liking it. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it’s inspired by my favorite authors: Gaiman, King, Pullman, Lewis. It’s what I’ve been thinking about writing since I was eleven years old, a concept that has floated in my mind since then and it’s honest. My main character is down to earth and fun, and it is what I feel like writing right now.

I’m also going to be picking up a short story that I’ve almost finished and knocking it out, called The Bunny Grinned and submit that for a contest by the end of this week. I’m also working up some of my poetry for submission for extra credit in class. And this is on top of catching up on about six weeks of homework I’m behind in another class and going to work and working for the LARP I’m going to help run. And why? Because that’s what a writer does. A writer makes it happen no matter what. If I’m going to make this work, then I’ve got to deliver and it’s got to come from a place of no fear anymore.

So here we go. Back in the saddle. The muse can take the spare room cuz she’s going to be dropping by for a while, if I have anything to say about it.